Time to Heal

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When I started this project 9 months ago, I promised to be truthful and real, no matter how it may look. I didn’t want to sugar coat my life or make it something it wasn’t because this project was to be about realness, about being broken and finding Jesus in those moments when your low seems like it can’t get lower. It’s also about the good moments, the love and joy and the healing and happiness. It’s about life, the good and the bad and the tough and the easy. I never want it to deviate away from those principals.

With that said, I have struggled with depression most of my adult life. Sometimes, it hides in the inner corners of myself, and I push through with smiles and laughter and it doesn’t seep into my daily life. Then, there are those times where seemingly out of nowhere it grasps me and drags me down, confining me to the comfort of my billowy blankets, unable to face the world. When the latter time start to outweigh the better times, I know it is starting to be a problem.

That time is now.

In deciding to open up about my depression on here, I am doing something that many people don’t like to do, myself whole-hearty included.

I am admitting that there is a weakness in me, a flaw, that I am no quite sure how to handle.

I am admitting, to the friends, family and readers that I don’t have it all together. That, is a very hard thing to do. But, then again, it isn’t much harder than navigating the world of depression itself.

There are people out there that believe depression isn’t real, that it is or isn’t cured by medicine, that it’s lazy, that it’s a matter of “get over it”, that it is selfish, that it is an excuse .. that it’s this or that.

I am here to tell you my personal story, and only that. I know depression robs me of moments with my family and loved ones. It steals my joy. It takes the things that I hold dear and makes them undesirable. It takes the core of who I am and leaves me lost and lonely, even amongst people who desperately want to pull me out of it. I know depression is real, that I fight it daily, and that there is no one in this world that wants rid the sadness inside of me more than I do.

My husband and I made the move from Mississippi to Maryland to live closer to family and pursue our dream of being full-time missionaries. That is still our dream. Right now, my sweet husband is allowing me time to heal myself, before we move onto the next phrase of trying to help and heal others.

This season, as I am calling it, in my life is going to be about me. Of finally taking my health in my own hands, and doing what I need to do to heal. My 20’s have been plagued with these bumps and bruises of pains and hurts that I have gathered along the road of life. I’ve tried to heal them with time alone, hide them away and bury them, but they always come back, bigger and stronger.

Now, I have to face them.

I’m telling you this now, because that’s my job as Editor and Writer of this project. I am telling you this now because there are dark spots in our lives sometimes, and we don’t have to hide them, not from God, not from our loved ones, and not from anyone. I am telling you this so that you know, whatever you are dealing with, it’s okay. It’s okay to feel pain, to crumble sometimes, to not stand strong.

It’s okay to take time to heal.

I thank you all for your kindness, your thoughts and mostly, your prayers during this time,

Jenny

Photo Credit by Flickr Creative Commons Vinni123

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6 thoughts on “Time to Heal

  1. Thank you, Jenny, for your honesty & openness. I have struggled off & on with depression also. If I pushed through, as you described, it usually went away after a month or two. When I was in my 40s, though, it didn’t go away. It hung on for over a year. My husband finally encouraged me to talk to someone & with God’s provision, I was able to go through 6 months of counseling. I’d like to say that 10 years later I am depression-free. But I can say that, by God’s grace, I am able to handle it better when it comes. Will be praying for you. No two situations are alike & God’s answer is different for each person, but He always has one.

    • Thanks Deborah for your encouragement! It can be a rough road to walk down and it helps to know there are so many others that have dealt and continue to deal with the same thing. Prayers and love to you!

  2. thank you , as i sit here in my billowy blankets fighitng another round of depression its always nice to know i am not alone, that others know what i am going through and its ok, i cried while reading your post because i know how it feels to try and hide how your really feeling, putting on a fake smile, pushing yourself to do things you really dont feel like doing, when all you want to do is be left alone to try and wade through the darkness. i know i always come out the other side, but its getting there that is the struggle….thank you!

    • Thanks Amy! I know how hard it can be to go through it, but I know that it is going to be worth it because our TIME is worth it, and our JOY is worth it. I will be praying for you too on your own struggle! I empathize with anyone having to carry the burden that depression brings!

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